What's the difference? They both suggest the same thing right?
- You simply didn't hear or understand a statement.
- You're requesting someone's attention!
- Or, you are requesting that someone moves to allow you access or passage!
I have struggled (and still struggle) with being misinterpreted, and more often than not, it is due to my height. My height is 'intimidating', and the fact the I speak my mind, is able to clearly articulate my points, and is usually politically correct while doing so, doesn't help.
My struggle is, before I even open my mouth I am expected to be mean, aggressive or attitudinal!
'Excuse me!' - is what someone else hears....but, 'EXCUSE ME!!!!' - with **two snaps and rolled eyes** is sometimes what's understood.
vs.
'Pardon me!' (in English)- is universally understood as non attitudinal and causes much less headache, as opposed to trying to recover an encounter that was lost after someone assumed I was giving them attitude.
Many people do not even realize how they subconsciously judge others based on their color, stature, or looks. I have a beautiful mix of very tall and very short friends. When I spend time with my shorter friends, I see how differently we are treated. I have seen the benefit in being tall and intimidating. The very few times that I have to confront a situation, I am taken much more seriously than my short friends are. Ironically, they seem to ALWAYS be confrontational, I guess they have to! I think this may be the reason why a lot of shorter people have a Napoleon Complex and a solid 'bite back'!
Documented Proof...
I once interviewed with a hospital for a Clinical Pharmacist position. I had applied on the hospital's website and was contacted for an interview the day after applying. I was sure that I would get this job, I always interview extremely well. I had never before interviewed for a position and not get an offer. If there was a more qualified applicant, I would get another offer that was also available because I was viewed as such a great asset to the organization.
Anyway, back to this interview! One of the interviewers, who was the Clinical Coordinator, was very direct with her questions. Her and her colleague played good cop, bad cop, but I maneuvered quite well... This was until she informed me that her concern with me is that my height would be intimidating to the physicians when I am face to face with them in the decentralized locations...
I was floored- buried- I could not defend that statement and as 'quick on my feet' as i usually am, I felt like a complete failure. I KNEW that I was not going to get the job and I just wanted to walk out right at that moment. It was much worst than I can EVER convey... She actually lead her statement with: "You know you're very tall right?" I was thinking: "Are you freaking kidding me?", "Where is this going?", "What does that have to do with me being a clinician?" I expressed to her that I have been taller than average for my entire life and I have learned how to communicate effectively. I cannot control the way someone responds to my height and I hoped that that was not part of my job description...
I left there feeling like crap! I recapped several points of the interview that showed where her line of questioning and her approach was that of someone who was actually intimidated by me and that she was trying to break me. She literally questioned everything on my resume and I found it interesting that I had to explain why I was capable of multitasking so efficiently and why I was allowed to do so much in my position... I know I was not lying on my resume, so why is my ability being questioned. Clearly, I did this! Two days after the interview, I emailed her boss and explained to him that she was out of line and threading along the lines of discrimination. His response was very HR driven, but I didn't care to hear back from them anyway.
I always knew that I was a double minority in my profession; 1. being black; and 2. being a woman. For some silly reason, I didn't see where height/size concerns affected me professionally too. Now I know that I am a triple minority- a TALL, BLACK, WOMAN!
So "Excuse me!" vs. "Pardon me!"
Seems to make a little more sense now right?
I communicate with the approach that what you 'mean' is a lot less important that what is 'understood'... Think about how you communicate with different people throughout different walks of life. I am SURE that you don't speak to a toddler the same way you speak to a 7 year old; or someone who speaks the same language the same as a foreigner; or a young adult vs. the elderly. You understand that if you want to be understood, you cater to your audience. If your audience may interpret you inappropriately, then if you are capable of adjusting the way you communicate to assist with proper understanding, you should.
It doesn't always work and sometimes you say 'bump it'!
As much as I wish to be the master communicator, the 'pardon' trick doesn't always work. Most times, it's not because of my height, its because my audience has another underlying issue with me or with themselves. Either way, I try my hardest to be understood properly. I have been made fun of for saying "Pardon me!" but once I explained why I do it, they agreed that it made perfect sense :).
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